Although having an orgasm isn’t the only thing important about sex, it is definitely a desirable outcome! Many women have difficulty achieving orgasm and some have not experienced a climax. There are several physical issues that could be contributing to her lack of climax such as side-effects from medication, hormonal imbalances, and her anatomy. There are a few more reasons why women might have difficulty:
She’s insecure about her body.
A lot of women do not feel confident about their body. When a woman ruminates about her body image in a negative way, it gets in the way of excitement that is necessary to be aroused and eventually achieve climax. She can’t fully enjoy having sex when she’s thinking about how much she dislikes her breasts, stomach, and whatever other parts of her body she loathes.
She thinks that sex is bad.
A lot of folks grow up thinking that sex is ‘dirty’ and there’s so much shame attached to even talking about it. Often, one will grow up with certain religious or moral beliefs/practices and they’re never taught about sex. Growing up thinking sex is somehow bad is not going to make it easy to be free sexually. It might take a lot of self-work to become comfortable.
She does not want to arouse repressed sad feelings.
A significant amount of women experience sadness connected with painful childhood memories. This happens particularly when emotional intimacy is combined with sexuality. If a woman was not loved and/or mistreated as a child, the experience of being with a partner who is attentive and loving can bring about deep and painful emotional reactions. Women often try to cut off these feelings; this seriously disrupts any chance of having a pleasurable sexual experience and, of course, an orgasm.
She fears experiencing vulnerability.
Many women, and people in general, have a desire to be independent and capable. The experience of allowing oneself to have amazing feelings while being intimate with another person means vulnerability. It’s not just you anymore. There’s a risk of being hurt emotionally when you allow yourself to relax and be truly sexually intimate with another person. This can be extremely anxiety-provoking for many women, especially if they’ve been hurt before.
She doesn’t want to bring up memories of previous trauma/abuse.
When a woman has experienced sexual abuse or molestation in the past, it is often very difficult for her to feel like she can relax and ultimately experience the freedom of having an orgasm. Often, a woman will unconsciously associate sexual activity with any previous abuser.
She fears losing control.
It’s possible that a woman will rely on control as a way to protect herself. This would make her less likely to engage in a cooperative act where trust is involved (sex, of course). She might have fears of making too much noise during intercourse, urinating or defecating. All of these fearful thoughts and resistance to letting go won’t contribute to an orgasmic experience.