You never truly know what an orgasm feels like until you have one. This may seem odd, but it’s the truth. Take Lisa for example. She had sex with her husband for many years, even giving birth to a child, but it wasn’t until a few years ago that she experienced a real orgasm for the first time. She said “it just all of a sudden flushed over me. My fingers got numb, my toes … it was like the best thing I’d ever felt in my life…I was like, ‘Wow!’ This is what I’ve been missing!”
Unfortunately, Lisa says that since her first ograsm, she’s only had three more when sleeping with her husband. To make sure is sexually satisfied in the bed, she allows him to orgasm, while faking hers. The couple has tried many tactics for trying to increase her orgasms — oral sex, sex toys, etc. — but none of them really worked for the purpose they were trying to achieve. In fact, using a vibrator made the situation worse because it made her husband ejaculate too fast, making it impossible for him to continue on and help Lisa reach an orgasm.
Did you note above that Lisa has had only four total orgasms with her husband? She’s had many more, but only because she has learned to please herself. In fact, she masturbates several times each week, always achieving an orgasm.
What about you? Are you having real orgasms or are you faking them for the most part? And regardless of your answer, do you find your sex life satisfying? It’s important that you realize a satisfying sex life doesn’t have to come at the result of having an orgasm every time you have sex. According to Stephanie Buehler, a sex therapist, “If someone is having a wonderful time with their partner even though they don’t have an orgasm with them when they’re with them, then that sounds like good sex to me.”
If you have trouble getting an orgasm when sleeping with your partner, it’s imperative that you don’t feel alone. About 33 percent of women suffer from this same type of problem. And some of them can’t orgasm whatsoever, even when masturbating. What you need to realize is that just because you don’t orgasm all the time doesn’t mean you can’t be satisfied in the bedroom.
If you aren’t sure whether or not you have been orgasming, here are a few characteristics that commonly go along with a regular orgasm:
- Muscle contractions in the vagina
- Increase in heart rate
- Weakened body immediately after the orgasm
- Redness in the face and chest
- Prone to groaning, moaning or shouting
- Warm feeling in the vagina
- Secretion of white discharge
And as far as reaching an orgasm when having sex, take comfort in knowing that an astonishing 80 percent of women don’t ever achieve one without the help of supplemental stimulation. In the end, though, it’s completely up to you whether or not you fake your orgasms to keep your partner happy.