If you’ve never had sex with another woman, the thought of it may be exciting, but also very intimidating. After all, what do you do? You might be worried that you won’t be able to give her an orgasm. Or, if she’s had plenty of experience with other women, you might feel as if you won’t be good enough to have her coming back for more. If you’re thinking about having sex with a woman for the first time and need some tips, read on to learn five important pieces of advice.
It’s best not to pretend you’re experienced if you’re not. Who knows—it might be her first time, too. How exciting would it be to discover each other’s bodies then?! On the other hand, she might be very experienced and only want to be with a woman who has a similar level of expertise. Honesty is best for both of you. Make sure to discuss STDs, which are a possibility no matter the gender of the person you’re in bed with. Once you’re in bed, discuss what each of you wants. For example, you can verbally communicate your desires, or move her head to a different place on your clitoris, if needed. Make the right noises when she makes the right moves.
Get a manicure.
Let’s face it—the labia is sensitive. Nails that are long and sharp may cut the delicate skin on the inside and outside of the vulva. Ouch! Keep them neat and short.
Remember it’s more than an orgasm.
Of course you’re going to want to give her an amazing climax, but don’t forget to enjoy each moment of taste, smell, and overall feeling of being with her. An orgasm is not a measure of success in bed. It’s a bonus, but if you think of it as mandatory, you’ll miss out on what’s happening each moment. If you find yourself getting close to orgasm, let her know to keep going. You can help her get there more easily if you listen, too.
Don’t worry about whether it can be defined as sex.
You might think of sex as just vaginal penetration by the penis, but it’s so much more. Your best bet is to ditch thinking about whether you’ve had sex or not. Sex can be so many things from mutual masturbation to using a dildo or putting your mouth on a woman’s vulva. And you don’t have to call yourself a lesbian just because you have sex with a woman (unless you want to, of course).
Remember that she’s not your therapist.
Of course you’re going to be nervous and new to the entire experience. But remember that any concerns you may have about your sexuality or nervousness regarding what your family may think are better topics to bring up in therapy than in bed. Seek out a consultation with a local therapist or counselor for some unbiased advice that will help you know yourself better.