Steps for Introducing ‘Sexual Aids’ in Your Relationship

Steps for Introducing 'Sexual Aids' in Your Relationship

There are a lot of different ways for you and your partner to enhance sexual enjoyment. Some couples prefer to use what is often referred to as a “sexual aid”. Sure, sex toys such as dildos and vibrators probably come to mind, but the term includes a lot more than that. A sexual aid is anything that will either create or increase sexual stimulation or pleasure. This can mean special clothing, lubricants, sex toys, erotica, restraints for bondage, and more. Read on to learn how you can incorporate sexual aids into your sex life.

Choose What You Want
Be sure to take some time to consider what you want to add to the bedroom. Include your partner in the decision-making, especially if you’re going to be using it with them. Keep in mind that it’s OK to choose something that either of you are open to trying, but might not be sure about. You won’t know until you try.

Be Free of Expectations
You’ll only set yourself and your partner up for disappointment if you anticipate that adding something new to your sexual routine will have a certain result. Keep an open mind going into the experience.

Try it Out On Your Own
There are some exceptions, but most sexual aids can be used while you’re masturbating, so you can try them out on your own first. Trying it out yourself may increase your chances of success when you introduce it to your partner.

Experiment
Find out the variety of things you can do with your sexual aid and be creative, using your entire body, if possible. Allow yourself plenty of time to discover a few ways to make use of your new toy or other aid.

Share
Share your knowledge with your partner. If you want to incorporate this new sexual aid into sex, let you partner see how you’ve been using it to pleasure yourself. Invite your partner to explore on their own and then show you what they have learned.

Explore
Now is the time to try it out with your partner. Have fun playing and discovering ways you can use your new sexuall aid during sex. This might involve new activities or positions that you haven’t ever tried, depending on what you’re using.

Communicate
Be sure to express how your prefer that the two of you use your sexual aid and encourage your partner to communicate this, as well. Enjoy!

 

5 Myths about Anal Sex

5 Myths about Anal Sex

Are you new to anal sex? Have you been thinking about trying, but find yourself scared due to the unknown? There are a lot of myths about anal sex that are out there and you may feel better seeing some of them debunked. Read on to learn five anal sex myths and the truth behind them.

Myth #1 – It Must be Painful

Anal sex should not be painful as long as you use lubrication, relax, take it slow and do not have hemorrhoids. You have to be gentle — especially in the beginning — because the anus is much tighter than the vagina. Take it slow and warm up. The chances are good that you haven’t followed the above instructions completely if you have experienced some pain in the past or have heard horror stories from friends.

Myth #2 – It Can’t Feel Good Because Women Don’t Have a Prostate

Pleasure during anal sex involves way more than a prostate, says Alyssa Dweck, M.D., assistant clinical professor at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine. “The anus is rich in blood vessels and nerves and thus highly sensitive, making anal play popular and erotic for some women.” Actually, one study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine showed that 94 percent of women who received anal in their last sexual encounter had an orgasm.

Myth #3 – You Do Not Need a Condom

The chance that there is nearly no chance of pregnancy with anal sex makes it that much more pleasurable for many women. But it does carry a risk of STD transmission, so you need a condom. Also, condoms can not only prevent STD transmission they also reduce friction and make for a more smooth entry. Be sure to change condoms before switching from either vaginal to anal or anal to vaginal sex.

Myth #4 – It Will Literally Be Dirty

While it is possible to get feces particles on his penis or letting loose, it is highly unlikely. “Most waste is sitting in the lower intestine where a finger, sex toy, or penis is not going to reach,” says sex therapist Tammy Nelson, Ph.D. Your rectum only contains small fragments of feces. If you’re worried about getting anything dirty, wash your anus with mild soap and water and/or empty your bowels before having sex. This is another way a condom is useful as well.

Myth #5 – Your Butt Hole Will Stretch Out

Just because you receive anal sex does not mean you’re going to end up with a penis-sized hole. “Tissue is elastic, and the anal sphincter muscles are tightly toned, so unless you are receiving ‘larger than life toys,’ this shouldn’t pose a problem,” explains Dweck. “In fact, please ensure all toys have an easy ‘retrieval’ mechanism, like a string or base. You don’t want to lose toys inside.” It is that tight, which is one reason it feels so great for men to give it.

 

8 New Ways to Have an Orgasm Using a Vibrator

8 New Ways to Have an Orgasm Using a Vibrator

Maybe you have a good routine going on with your vibrator already. However, doing the same thing time and time again can get old. “It can become routine…and then monotony sets in,” says board-certified clinical sexologist Debra Laino, Ph.D. This can also put you in danger of only being able to climax when you use a vibrator. Here are a few new ways to use your vibrator:

Avoid Your Clitoris…at First
At least do this at first. “Many women have discovered that they find indirect clitoral stimulation to the side or above the clitoris even more arousing,” says clinical sexologist Kat van Kirk, Ph.D. Run your vibrator up your labia and circle your clit without touching it. Then, when you can no longer take it, go for it.

Use it On Your Neck
Take advantage of the erogenous zone that is your neck. While you’re on your bed in a comfortable position, close your eyes and lightly rub the vibrator up and down one side of your neck before going to the other side. Once you’re turned on enough, work the vibrator more south.

Be a Tease
Let your partner take your vibrator and slowly run it up and down your thighs and coming close to the clitoris, yet not touching it.

Use it When He’s There
You can use your vibrator on yourself when your partner is there, too. While you’re making out, press your vibrator up against his perineum to get things started before using it on yourself. You may also want to have your guy use it on you while you get him off.

Hand it to Him
This is a little bit of light BDSM. Have your man tie you up loosely and let him use the vibe on you any way he pleases. “There’s something exciting about not having control,” says Laino.

Prop Yourself Up
While you’re lying down in bed, put some pillows underneath your butt to prop yourself up. Run your vibrator back and forth across your nipples while your guy is giving you oral sex.

A Different Kind of Doggy Style
While you’re lying flat on your stomach, slip a clitoral vibrator underneath you and have him penetrate you from behind. This doesn’t require much effort from you, so just lay there and enjoy it.

Get a Couples Vibrator
Purchase a couple’s vibrator so you can both be stimulated at once. “Couple-oriented penis rings are a great option to make sure you get this stimulation hands-free and he gets to enjoy the sensation as well,” says van Kirk.

7 Tips on Having Sex When His Penis Is Larger Than Average

7 Tips on Having Sex When His Penis Is Larger than Average

Penises come in all shapes and sizes, just like many other body parts. Some women may consider an over-sized penis to be exciting, while others are intimidated, wondering how it will fit. Having sex with a penis that is above average (an average erect penis is 5.6 inches) can be painful for some, create stress and anxiety, and possibly cause vaginal tearing, according to certified sex therapist Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D. A vagina can usually accommodate a larger penis, but you have to be more careful. Here are some ways to proceed if your partner is large:

Acknowledge That It’s Big

You don’t have to make it a significant issue because your man might be embarrassed if he’s sensitive about his size, but being honest and upfront is a good idea. Acknowledge that his penis is large, suggest you take it slow, and then proceed.

Make Sure You Set the Pace

It’s not easy to know how your vagina is going to handle the size of his penis, so it’s necessary for you to set the pace. “Until you get used to the sensation and know how your body will respond to his larger penis, take it slow,” advises Van Kirk.

Use Enough Lubrication

The chances are good that you’ll need it, so be willing to have it on hand and apply more as needed. It’s better to use a thicker lube in this situation so that it won’t absorb as quickly.

Try Out Side-by-Side Sex

This can make it possible for you to help control the rhythm in this position and be able to hold his penis, insert it, and have control of it like a sex toy. So, if he’s getting a little too deep, you can increase the amount of length that you’re holding and less will be going into you.

Try Woman on Top

Any move that will allow you to take the lead and have him remain still are ideal, says New York City sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D.

Avoid Doing it Doggy Style

If he has a penis that is long, positions such as doggy style can lead to deeper penetration. This deep penetration can cause his penis to hit your cervix, which may not feel great for you (it does for some women). If you’re into doing it from behind, try the reverse cowgirl position instead, so you still have control of the rhythm.

Have Realistic Expectations

The chances are good that you assume having sex with a large guy will lead to outstanding orgasms, but that’s not necessarily true. “Sometimes men with big penises think that’s all they need to be a gratifying lover, but a big penis doesn’t guarantee more orgasms,” says Kerner.

 

4 Exercises to Improve a Woman’s Sex Life

4 Exercises to Improve a Woman's Sex Life

Did you know that you may be a workout away from an improved sex life? Exercise can of course help you lose weight but also sculpt your body, cause your endorphins to rise, and help you have a better time in the bedroom. Read on to learn about some stretches and exercises you can do to enhance your sex life.

Squats

These are excellent for toning and shaping the buttocks and legs. Doing a lot of pumping below the waist can also increase your ability to become aroused during sex. Squats also prepare and strengthen you for the times you want to be on top. Just stand upright with your feet apart about a shoulder-width’s length. Be sure to keep your heels on the floor and most of your weight in them as you start a bend at the waist first and then bend the knees as if you’re sitting into a chair. Keep your knees right over the ankles to protect your leg muscles and knees from injury. Make sure your shins are as vertical as possible while you’re doing this exercise.

Pelvic Tilt Pulses

This strengthens your lower back and your core, which are both often used during sex. Lie on the floor with your knees bent and your feet hip distance apart. Make sure your hands are flat on the floor, including your fingertips. Pressing through your heels, lift up your pelvis and glutes to make sure your torso is in a straight line. Keep your abs tight as you continue to press through the heels. Squeeze your inner thighs and glutes and pulse the pelvis up and down, slightly, a couple of inches only. Do your pulses (20-25) and slowly lower your spine, vertebra by vertebra until your tailbone has touched the floor. Do about three more sets.

Kegels

This exercise is an easy way to improve the strength of the pelvic floor muscles, which play an important part in orgasm. You can do kegels anywhere and either lying down, sitting, or standing. Pretend that you are trying to stop the flow of urine, hold it for three to five seconds and then repeat. Do kegels throughout the day, or even just five minutes a day.

Upward-Facing Dog

This exercise strengthens a lot of the muscle groups that are required by many sex positions. Yogis have long believed the upward dog to increase blood flow and energy to the pelvic region. Lie on your stomach with your legs apart, hip-distance, and the tops of your feet touching the floor. Move your hands to the sides of your chest and pressing through the hands, lift your torso. Lifting up all the way, roll your shoulders back and down, making sure not to hunch your shoulders into your neck by lengthening through the crown of your head. Breathe regularly for approximately 15 seconds or more.

 

6 Things to Do When You’re Not Getting the Sex You Want

6 Things to Do When You're Not Getting the Sex You Want

Sometimes sex and passion become less intense and frequent as a relationship progresses. It’s normal. But it’s possible to keep things more passionate if you’re not getting the sex you want. Both you and your partner deserve to have your needs met. Here are some tips you can follow to be well on your way to more sexual fulfillment:

Carve Out the Time

It’s important to make time to be intimate with your partner to give the libido a chance to show up. Perhaps you might want to speak with your partner about attempting to make time once a week to be intimate. This doesn’t just mean sex, but to massage each other, talk, cuddle, and more. Request that they make the time to relax with you, allowing themselves to become interested in sex.

Get a Medical Check-up

A variety of medical issues and medications can affect the sex drive, so it’s important to rule any of that out.

No Pressure

If you and your partner are constantly worried about sex, it will make the situation feel even worse. Attempt to take it in stride.

Find Out What’s Distracting You

Maybe it’s a new job that is overwhelming — it’s common. Or, perhaps your partner is trying to catch up on the things they neglected when you two were in your honeymoon phase. Maybe one of you feels that your relationship is stable enough and intimacy doesn’t need to be worked on as much as things such as income.

Discuss Your Expectations

Be honest with your partner while having a discussion about your sexual expectations. You may find it helpful to write it all down to keep the message from getting lost in emotion if you find the two of you have different expectations.

Define Your Relationship, if You Haven’t

For example, are you monogamous, do you want this to last a long time, or are you trying to keep it casual? Your partner may think this amount of sex is enough for you if you haven’t actually had a discussion about what you’re both looking for in a relationship. You deserve the kind of relationship you want and sex life, too, so you’ll want to make sure you’re on the same page as your partner.

 

Women Who Have Good Sex Have a Sense of Higher Purpose, Says Study

Women Who Have Good Sex Have a Sense of Higher Purpose, Says Study

A study that was presented at the annual meeting of the North American Menopause Society showed that a woman’s sexual satisfaction seems to have a benefit (besides the obvious benefits of good sex): a higher purpose in life.

University of Pittsburgh Medical Center researchers tracked sexual satisfaction in 728 women, ages 40-65, in a study that lasted five years. Participants in the study answered yearly questionnaires on their menopausal status, health-related quality of life, social support, and hormone therapy use. The the second and fourth years, they also answered questions that had to do with their enjoyment of and engagement in sexually intimate activities like oral sex, sexual intercourse, hugging, and kissing. The Life Engagement Scale was completed by all of the participants — it’s a six statement test where the test takers are asked to either agree or disagree with each statement made to assess how engaged you are in your life with statements such as, “I have lots of reasons for living” or “There is not enough purpose in my life.”

The researchers found that those who reported levels of sexual satisfaction that were high and enjoyment in sexually intimate activities also reported a higher sense of purpose in life. The study also found that these women has better emotional well-being, more social support, and less vaginal dryness, on average.

The study did not show a connection between the frequency of sexually intimate activities and a higher sense of purpose in life, though. Also, hormone therapy did not significantly have an impact on the women’s sexual enjoyment or engagement in life. “Hormone therapy hasn’t been a factor in any study that’s looked at this, actually,” reveals lead author Beth A. Prairie, MD, M.P.H., assistant professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive sciences at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. “Does hormone therapy make any difference at all? Probably—but the effect size is probably so small that when you compare it to the other things going on in a woman’s life, it’s minimal.”

What this means for midlife women is that “sexual function is intimately bound to worldview,” wrote the authors of the study. But they said it will take additional research to explain whether sexual relationships that are enjoyable lead to an improved sense of life purpose in women, or whether women with a higher sense of purpose also have more satisfying sex.